NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS

Okay, so I know it's the last day of January. But for goodness sake, I couldn't think of a good resolution until now. Well I had plenty of bad ones... but in light of recent events, I have a good one. And it is (drumroll please):
ACT. No, not on stage. Just in real life. I need to act on my feelings and needs and desires. No, that doesn't mean I act on every desire... but it does mean that I approach life without fear. I've lived in fear for so long in my life, whether it's from my parents, from getting yelled at, or from losing something. Some were well founded (I insist that gymnastics is indeed a dangerous sport) and others were not. So as simple as it sounds, that's my new goal for the year. I don't care if I lose weight or gain muscle or practice one more minute on bassoon; I just want to do what I want to do because I want to do it.
In any case, today was a fabulous day. I got up really early, got my USC CD together (put it in its case and addressed the envelope), got ready, and my mom and I dropped my dad at work. We headed down to the Emerald Square Mall (mailing the package along the way) and hit H&M. I fell in love with H&M in Europe and Emerald Square and somewhere in Peabody are the only two locations nearby. Plus, my mom had guaranteed that I could go on a 100 dollar shopping spree as one of my Christmas presents. It was a lot of fun. I got a new dress and two tops. The dress is really pretty AND was only 15 dollars. Great deal. Very pleased. One top is sweater-like, but not as heavy and also 15. The last top is casual but decent looking. It was full price, but it should be good for spring and summer. Overall, I spent 50 of my hundred, leaving me with 50 left (see, senioritis hasn't killed everything). That means another shopping spree later!!! We then went and picked my dad up at work, I got an hour off for lunch before YPO. I didn't want to go to YPO. I never want to go to YPO. But it was all good. Well, no, I didn't play. And I had to carry the contra about a block around NEC. But I'll survive. And then I came home and my mom had made chicken parm. So I am currently well-fed, content, and should be doing homework. Alas, this is the good life...

4/4... :D

Okay, so it turns out that about 15 minutes after I last blogged I figured out I got into USC. I'm almost certainly not going, but it's always exciting to be accepted. And I'm still sending in the CD and seeing if it'll get me into the music school. If I get into both, I would consider it. I'm leaving options open. And enjoying being liked by colleges. So Sowmya only needs me to get into 4 more normal schools and 1 music school and she wins ice cream. That lucky duck. Of course, if not, I win... :D. No lose bet.
In other news, my dad and I have pretty much finished the CSS profile, so financial aid stuff is getting done, which is both important and awesome. It's almost like I'm close to being done filling out lots of forms... except scholarships. Gah. It never ends.
In addition, I have some actually exciting news. Kristine and I are both candidates for the Presential Scholars program. It's based on critical reading+math SAT/ACT scores (yay for not writing) and the top 20 of each gender in each state are candidates. So I have a long app to finish before February 28th, which is also SCIENCE BOWL!! I'm already getting psyched. It should be fun. Buzzzzzz.
Mmm, I think that's it. And I'm no longer feeling emo. It's all good.

yayayayayay!!

I'm officially done with recording. I would say forever, but that so is not true. After all, if I become a music major, I should be recording quite a bit. I hope. I actually think that recording is much scarier than auditions. Auditions are quick and easy and you're done. Recordings require you to think about whether you're happy with something and whether it's worth trying to rerecord it. Much more decisions when you're nervous. Way scarier.
But yes, I finished my necessary recordings for USC and for my backup tape for JHU. I actually rerecorded everything I recorded in October except one piece and most of it sounds so much better. I am in love with this one etude, so I'm definitely sending that everywhere. I'm also pretty happy with my concerto. It's just the other etude. It's really tricky and the tempo is really... iffy. So like, if I take it too fast, I am screwed. But if I take it too slow, I run out of breath and it doesn't sound terribly impressive. Poo. And I realized that nervousness seriously impacts that one. I got through it, but it was a little bit slower than I would prefer. But alas, it's only getting sent to Peabody and assuming awful things don't happen in February, they shouldn't ever listen to it, so hopefully it'll be fine.
Anyways, that was last night. Yesterday was pretty boring, so I don't need to go into too much detail. It was a day 2, which was nice because it would normally be a day 1. So me starting health was delayed another week! woohoo! Otherwise, very normal. I pretended to get my homework done. I sort of did. Success...

SNOW DAY!!!

YAY! It was the second snow day of the year this year which was awesome and lowers the amount of days we have total to 162. No longer a prime. In fact, it now has 10 factors (1,2,3,6,9,18,27,54,81,162)!!! I love pretty numbers.
So I took this day as a serious chill day. We finished the 2000 piece puzzle I got my mom for Christmas of a German castle that my parents visited in Europe. It's really gorgeous. It was expensive, but well worth it. I also practiced quite a bit and worked on reeds which is good because I'm recording again tomorrow night. I need to send a CD to USC and JHU. JHU is just as a "snow tape" in case it's so snowy that we can't fly to Baltimore in time. But anyways, reeds have been driving me nuts lately, so good work was done and all.
I got my psych homework done and am working on an APES packet at the moment that I want to submit tonight.
And then of course comes the shoveling. The only thing I hate about snow days is.. well, the snow. I do not want to ever shovel snow again. Ever. It's just awful in every way. Warm climate, here I come...
Only problem with that theory... I GOT MY MIT SWEATSHIRT today. It's fantastic. I had been wanting to get one for the past month. And hey, if I go to Caltech, I can always "modify" it. Otherwise I can just brag that I got into MIT and chose not to go. Or I could just go to MIT. Only time and CPW will tell...
So back to APES. And back to school... poo.

I'm not pleased

Okay, my posts are usually happy and hopeful. This one will not be. Maybe it's a bit inspired by Soyeon. Maybe it's just how I feel right now. (No, I'm not suicidal. These are all metaphorical. I care, but not that much)
I was talking to someone online tonight and it was sort of like getting stabbed in the back. And then kicked to the ground. And stabbed again.
The pain won't end.
I'm sick of it.
I wish I could just be honest with the world. I wish people would accept what I have to say. But it's not appropriate. It's not acceptable. It's just not right. So how can I tell you what I really think? I doubt you'll believe me, especially after tonight. I doubt you'll care. I doubt you'll want to do anything about it.
These feelings are new, unfamiliar things. Not for me, but for you. Will you ever get it? Should you?

mm, that felt good. In other words, I got first in all-state again this year. And my midyears are good so far.

Midyear week

Gah, so midyear week is always on the edge of crazy and this year was no exception. But I think I may have studied more this year. And so far it seems to be helping...
So anyways, Day 1 was psych and senior project. I knew it was my easy day, so I read through notes and made a presentation the night before and felt set. Honestly, I don't know how I did. I'm sure it wasn't bad (it's psych and sr project after all) and they're two classes I'm not terribly worried about. They should have been good. In any case, we finished our senior project presentations by 12 and it was inauguration day, so we quickly turned on the smartboard tv, saw Biden get inaugurated, saw Yo-Yo Ma play (zomg, I played with him), and finally Obama get inaugurated and speechify. It was... incredible. The idea that we're done with Bush is so bizarre. He's been president for most of my conscious life. I remember in fourth grade when I wanted Gore to be elected because Joe Lieberman knew my grandfather. Man, my values were weird back then. But my politics were solid... :D. In any case, food+easy midyear+Inauguration=awesome day. So then I had to stay after to make up for my incident last monday (see: missing school, falling down stairs) for the art part of humanities. Which meant an hour with Mr. Sheinfeld looking at slides. Great fun... naht. Though I learned a lot. So I walked home, stopping at Starbucks on the way. It was good. Very good. And started in on WEDNESDAY:
I had an essay due at my hums midterm that I hadn't started yet (ummm, procrastination much?) so I came home on Tuesday and started right in on that. Except I didn't. By 5 PM, I had my name, the date, and the assignment on the page. And a vague outline. Bad start. That coupled with the need to study for chem kept me up past 2 AM. Oh well, everything got done. Quality... ehh.
So I got up and headed off for school on Wednesday, essay in hand, ready (I hoped) for AP Chem. I went over electrochem (because I got it at the time but not at all anymore) and then took the midyear. I didn't think it was awful but not amazing. Turns out I did quite well. I'm very pleased. I just need a 73 next term and a 84 last term and I will sail by without a final. Yes, that is currently the goal. And then... humanities. I have been raving all year about how easy this class is. And it is. Except the midyear. It was absolutely awful. I stayed an extra hour or more. Just bad. I'm hoping for a scale because everyone thought it was bad. Ah, well, I walked home again and stopped at Starbucks... again. Bad habit. Unfortunately, it's in the perfect location. It's right between the school and my house. Like the walk is 2 miles and Starbucks is at mile marker 1. And just when you've been walking for 15 minutes, a hot capaccino sounds overwhelmingly good. But anyways. I made it home at the same time as the middle schoolers, which was really bizarre. I sat down and studied for APES. And then studied somemore. And then crashed and fell asleep early.
THURSDAY:
So I had no midyears Thursday. I slept in until 10:30. It was fabulous. I had to tutor at 3 and a concert at 7, but other than that, I was absolutely free. I made my word bank for APES and went over words. Very chill day. Very awesome day. And I got my AP Chem grade back: 87 for the term, 92 on the midyear. I beat Kurzman...
FRIDAY:
APESSSSSS. I admit I was scared going in. But it really wasn't bad at all. There were patterns that were pretty easy to follow and quite a few "gimme" questions. I took about an extra half hour, but that was just going over ones I had missed on the first go round. Not bad at all. And then I went and made dumplings. Well, I stuffed dumplings. Christie's mommy had already made the dough and filling so we just rolled it out and stuffed them. They were so good. I was very happy. I walked home again. Got Starbucks again. And I am going to get fat soon. I got home and crashed. I didn't fall asleep, but I curled up in a chair. Around 8:30ish, I decided to practice, realized my reed sounded awful. It was an awful feeling. So I altered a new one and prayed that it would harder and set well. It did. I woke up this morning, played with it and it sounded much better than the other. Thank goodness because today brought all-state auditions. I have some of the most bizarre stories from all-state auditions last year (like standing in the hallway for 2 hours and then getting first chair). But whatever. I had an okay audition. The sight reading was rumored to be awful, but it wasn't that awful. Well, we'll see how it went on Monday. There's no telling whether I got in or not or what seat I got. What will we will be.
And then my mom and I stopped at Price Chopper and got all sorts of goodies. And then I had YPO. We won't talk about YPO. I was told to fart. End of discussion.
So I'm a second semester senior. This is so very exciting. Slack starts... in one day!

Io non cappisco... mais j'adore

So today was BYSO performance of Marriage of Figaro. Personally, this is my favorite concert of the year (as Cosi was last year) because I love Mozart. Like a lot. It's bad when your favorite movie is Amadeus. Well, anyways, it was full of excitement. We had morning rehearsal then 2 hours off for lunch. So what'd I do? I followed people. Not in the creepy, stalkery following. But in the "wow, you know good food and I trust you following". And it worked. I ended up at Wagamama with an awesome group of people eating really good ramen. And I used chopsticks successfully. I was proud. Maybe I'm becoming a good Asian wannabe. And then we went across the street and got bubble tea. I love bubble tea. Lots. And lots. In fact I want it now. Meh, oh well. So I guess that adds to my list of requirements for college: 1. a trader joes in walking/subwaying distance, 2. bubble tea, 3. a good engineering/music program. And yes, that order matters.
So anyways, we got back and actually played the concert. I was quite pleased with how it went. The overture went very smoothly (di-ga-di-ga-da... okay, listen to it and you'll know what I'm talking about).

I will finish this in the morning. I'm currently much too tired to function which means I'm slightly too tired to blog.
Okay... so I meant to update this a lot earlier, but this past week has been more than nuts. So anyways, the opera was pretty much amazing. Except I had to pee. Starting at... umm the beginning. It's really painful to need to pee and need to play at the same time. And then by the time we got off stage all the audience had flooded the bathrooms and I so was not going to get to pee for the next two hours. So I instead chose to watch the rest of the opera. It was really good. Alas, my Mozart utopia is over. I love Mozart operas and depending on my future, it's possible that I won't ever have such amazing opportunities again. If only I were a year younger...

A lot.

I'm going to start this post off with a generic "this has been one of the craziest weeks of my life". So don't blame me for not blogging. Because if I had blogged, they would have been awful "I did this. I did that. I hate my life. I need sleep" blogs. And I don't wanna write that. And you don't wanna read that. Not that anyone reads my blog anyway. But in any case...
Let's see, I last blogged last Thursday. That was the calm before the storm. We had a math meet and won handily (we went into team round with an 18 point lead and got 12 on team). I did... meh... but Christie and Yongyi got 14s, Kristine got a 12. We decided ahead of time what problems we were doing on team and it worked pretty well so that will continue to be a strategy. Yay for not losing. Or not thinking we lost. Well, whatever.
Friday and Saturday were districts. Honestly, districts was pretty bad this year. We tried to play brass-heavy pieces without good brass players. I think you can figure out how that went. But in any case the bassoons and clarinets spent the entire time completely frozen because we lived under vents that blew cold air the entire time. But the best part was definitely seeing Shreyas so overwhelmingly unhappy. He has committed to not doing districts next year and I don't blame him. Oh, I also won a 300 dollar scholarship. That was pretty cool. MMEA is almost paying me back for all states and districts and all-east. Almost.
But Saturday just got crazier. I went straight from the concert to YPO where apparently Zander trash talked me when I wasn't there: "How can we do Mahler with an unreliable third bassoonist?". I'll answer that... IT'S EASY. LOL. But yes. And then I had gbyso (where I was also late because Zander let us out really late) and apparently Fed threw a conniption because quite a few of us were late. So Saturday I was gone from 7:30 AM to 11 PM and I played bassoon the whole time. In any case I was exhausted. I had gbyso the next day as well. In any case, I was throughly exhausted at the end of the weekend which led to my next big event of the week:
I FELL DOWN THE STAIRS. I know that sounds so anticlimactic, but it was really dramatic actually. I was up at like midnight on Sunday night/Monday morning, was putting my pillowcase in the dryer, my slipper slipped off (who knew that's why they're called slippers), and I tumbled down on my butt for about 4-6 stairs. I slammed my head pretty hard, had an awful headache for about an hour afterwards. Needless to say, it was traumatic. And I stayed home from school the next day. Between sheer exhaustion, pain, and fear, it was a good move. I used the time to study for my math test on Tuesday. Which was sorta... ehh. Mixed bag. And that's what my grade reflected. But in any case. I've been catching up on work all week. It's been not fun, but my bruises are healing up rather quickly. And then last night was amazing. (That's what she said). It was probably one of the most exciting concerts of my life. I've been poo-pooing YPO all year. Now, I'll give credit where credit's due: we gave one hell of a concert. Granted, the string sections are enormous and just about every important wind part is covered by an NEC student or an insane high school student (like have been in YPO for 5 years or so). So it's pretty much a college orchestra with some high school players. But still. We rocked it out. It was incredible. And then I got up today at 1 and did nothing all day. It was so good. I need to go to bed. I'll try to be a better blogger.

What's sleep?

So during vacation I completely screwed up my sleep schedule. And now it's not vacation. And I'm still staying up late. It's just now, I need to get up in the morning. So I come home and take a two hour nap. And then stay up late again doing homework really unefficiently. Yes, it's a bad habit. And really not much fun, even when talking to Alex that late.
So anyways, we're back in school. Well, not today, because it's a snow/weather/ice day (there's some snow but not an overwhelming amount. I think they cancelled because of the ice). So now I only have 163 days this year. I'm a bit bummed because it's now a prime number and we're missing a Day 2, but any school not attended is good.
So my real current dilemna is whether or not I have districts rehearsal today. I'm supposed to but it really depends on if they cancel it. And if not, I'm not sure how it's all going to work. It'll be a fun time... urm, not.

RAWR

Okay, so I'm officially done with college apps and life. Well not life. But motivation is now officially down the tubes. But I must keep going.
Well today was fun actually. Christie and I went to the Wellesley greenhouses for some good ole extra credit (last test=ugh). And all in all it was enjoyable. The temperature was warm (especially in the tropical area); it was almost like being in California. gah, I should not say the word California because California=Caltech=college=scary. Yes, I am on the brink of going crazy, tis true.
Well I have a lot more work to do during vacation, have completely screwed up my sleep schedule, and am currently addicted to a 2000 piece jigsaw puzzle. I'm almost done with the sky... :D
And I'm on an emotional roller coaster; but let's talk about happy things!
Our Christmas tree has survived one more day, so I am still accompanied by lights and trees and glass balls and the like. It is a very comforting feeling...
And I'm officially back on facebook. I just wasted about an hour on it. Well, I had to... okay, that's a lie. But I had 19 messages... :-/
Well I'm blathering on. Night night.

HAPPY 2009!

So it's 2009. It's pretty crazy, but this should be an awesome year. I mean, let's see, what's coming up...
1. Graduation
2. Prom
3. College
4. Summer
5. Parties
Yeah, awesomeness is coming. And districts and all-state and all-eastern and gbyso. Okay, I'm excited.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
(yes, this post is poor).